The Three Basic Interpersonal Skills

These skills are remarkably easy to learn and practice, and remarkably powerful in the positive effect they have on other people.

1. Treat everyone as you want to be treated
a. With dignity
b. And respect

2. Maintain and enhance other people’s self-esteem
a. Be specific
b. Be sincere

3. Always make an effort to make things better
a. Focus on the issues, not the people
b. Ask for help and engage other people


The keys to social success

The basic skills have never changed. Skill number one looks pretty much like the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Almost every religious belief from Christianity to Buddhism to Hinduism and Islam contains something that looks very much like this as a basic moral precept.

If you have read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People you will remember that making other people feel good was central to his work. We are wired socially to respond positively to people who make us feel good. We go out of our way to be around them, and we make an effort to help them where we can.

And speaking of people we want to be around, studies consistently show that individuals who have an optimistic attitude and are focused on making things better are more popular and more successful socially and in business. They are also more successful and happier with their lives than people with pessimistic attitudes. They may see how things are not perfect, yet they put their effort into making them better. They offer and accept help and know the importance of engaging people to want to make things better.

You can start to see how the three basic interpersonal skills provide a firm springboard from which to deal with other issues. All workplaces and social organizations work best when using the basic interpersonal skills is just a natural part of how things are done every day.

Start with the basics if you want to look at your personal success, or you want to coach or mentor someone in your organization. Look closely at the basic interpersonal skills. People whose behavior doesn’t reflect the skills will struggle to get things done successfully with other people.